For the man who's passed all tests in my life so far...

Your unending compassion
Your forgiveness abound
Your relentless aura
Your upside down frown

Your playful laughter
Your appreciation for details
Your concern for the fallen
Your support 'un-curtailed'

I miss your wise words
Your delighful presence
We had our disagreements
Yes, I had taken so much offense

Grown from a sketch to a mural
From wooded parks to concrete jungles
From a grain of sand to a pearl
But you need not worry, I'll always be your little girl.

Distance makes your hearts fonder. Often quoted in context of non-platonic relationships. But turns out, that this quote holds true for all relationships alike.
My father and I have always bonded on a very special level. We have had the deepest of conversations, the most intelligent of discussions, and the most heated of arguments; he has been a friend, a mentor, an advisor, a confidant, and someone I have looked up to for so many reasons.
Recent happenings in my life have made me focus so much on the present and future that I somehow feel more distant from the past than I really am. After all, your past is what makes your present being.
Being very content in my current state of being, I still miss my innocent childhood days when my parents were all I needed. No matter how busy or diluted I get, I will always continue to be the most important thing in their lives.
This one is for my father. I haven't seen him in four months, but I will see him very soon. I miss him and hope to have some amazing memories in the few days leading up to my big day.

Understanding fathers are one of God's greatest gifts, and I thank Him for giving me the best one he's made so far.

Cheers.

...I love you...(understated, overrated)

You are the epitome of my desire,
The warrant to my craziness
The fulfillment of my biggest dream.

You have inhabited my soul
Preserved my most innocent memories
Taken me to the most serene destination known.

You give me the pleasure of all grand epiphanies
The solace that is forever seeked
The grandest satisfaction at every level combined.

You reach my most inner core with utmost ease
Every part of my wholesomeness through the smallest dimensions
My thoughts through telepathy of extremes.

To say that I love you would be injustice on numerous accounts
It is understated, underestimated, grossly unjust
I must have you now, all of you, in every shape and I succumb to all of your being every dawn and dusk.

Settled

Have
No
Fear.

Relentless
Persistence
Is so dear.

Formidable
Unconscious
Hesitance.

It's done
No more
Decadence.

Transposition
Complete
Ultimatum.

Settled
Framed
Verbatim.

Catchin' Up

It's been a quiet few weeks. I have been preoccupied with multiple multi-faceted dynamic happenings (phew). I have
moved to another country
left my family and friends where I have no plans to return to
taken risks with my professional life by indulging in unfamiliar areas based simply on interest and not experience
most importantly: gotten engaged and am currently preparing to get married to my first love (cheers to 12 years of silent, unconditional love)

I must confess that even though I miss my parents and my sister unmeasurably, I am amazed at my level of comfort so far. I am usually a very adjusting person, so no doubt that this personality trait has done wonders for my current state of being, but there is another reason why my move here has been so smooth and comfortable.
My first love turned good friend turned best boyfriend turned best friend has been an amazing support system and I can truly say that he is the true definition of true love. He has been there through my trantrums and rants and unreasonable demands. He is not afraid to hurt my feelings by being brutally honest, but he's also there like a rock to help me up when I fall down.
He gives me solace and I thank him for his ever growing and unending support. Thank you for making this so easy for me baby.

I also want to thank my brother Rohit whose ridiculous jokes and magnetic personality gives me my dose of entertainment every evening. I have always had my share of guy friends, but having a friend in a brother is even more comfortable and unconditional. He is my go-to person when I am down and need anything. Cheers to that.

I intend to write more and more often starting now.

Peace&Love

Your toll

Your existence is purposeful
Your aura is my regime
You have been what I need and want
You have been everything in between

How could you doubt this feeling
How could you question this dream
It's you and only you that has been my desire
It's your presence that I've relished and seeked

I love you as though its my only chore
With each passing day it's more and more
My love can fill vast spaces and voids
My love is a conquest that has changed several tides

You have lived in me indefinitely since those summer days
You have come to my rescue as the savior to clear the haze
You continue to grow silently and live in my soul
Let's not stop this now baby, the price will be too heavy of a toll...

Return to Rosedale

Hopeless romantic
Paralyzed prey
What can one do
What can one say?

I hear your footsteps,
Gettin' close
It's all in my imagination
No, wait, it's true and forced.

This rusted beverage portrays
True emotions blurry,
I am escapting it slowly
I am not, the road is curvy

Let this one astray
Let everyone hear this one clear
Inspite of inhibitions
Even solo folks sometimes have no fear.

Get a grip, hold it tightly
At night time, dull things shine brightly
Look up in glee and acknowledge the frail
For even theives end up in Rosedale.

While Residing Here..

It's a matter of time, love
Then this will be all above
Secretly wanting this to linger
Let's not embarass, don't point that finger..

Perhaps you will lead it astray,
That is subjective, this will stay.
Your silences speak louder than words
It might not last long, but it can submerge.

Quit doing this, freely residing
Only lost ones can be included in those findings.
Resort to comfort, celebrate in glee,
Yes, now we're stuck, starting randomly.

Include to portray the need to stay,
You will see eye to eye, while wishing I pray.
Keep this mellow and sudden to wonder,
For sometimes there is sunshine, even when there's thunder.

An Ode to My Hearthrob

Mystical, provokable, unimaginable
You're wooing me even when I'm inconvincible.
Your unfaltering glee has beset my uneagerness,
Only you unfold this layer with such chilvarous finesse.

The sermon is different, the voice is so clear
It's the childhood anthem that has now come so near.
Your presence ensures warmth is in company,
Our auras unite magically and in symphony.

Those beautiful crowns and that brown arcane set
Have managed to be omnipresent in my very own outlet.
Be as you are as it lets me be most like me,
This is the reason why our last thirteen summers were satisfying yet empty.

Endless Love

I feel for you as if my inner self wraps about an endless pole and falls on itself...The aid I get is you, you and only you around my very own feathering self

I love you as though my inner strength trancends to angelic beauty and I search for you in the clouds of the strong lasting empire
So wide so far, laying in the endless weeds of grass while I smell my loveliest scent..the scent of fresh cut grass

I love you as though I fall from the highest peak of Mt. Everest
I fall but I smile as I do because the freedom from the endless openness releases me from my very own worries

I pray for you as you are the only savior for mankind and end time is near
The people praying and watching are hoping I'm praying for them but I feel that you are the only one that matters...

Loving you is a joyous journey that I can hike on by myself and have complete satisfaction
The journey might not end, it endlessly continues and fulfills my passionate features...

Loving you is like the ocean, waves are grand and water is endless, yet it seems that I can fill more land with the combination of hydrogen and water...so beautiful yet satisfying....

Revive

Imprison me in your thoughts
Does every prisoner want to escape?
I would stay here in this mellowness you've brought
Surpassing those dingy and dark caves
I soaked you in my harmony
You let go and then followed the melody

Soothing rendezvous, unresting devotion
What came through has been just an explosion
The place I've come to is more than familiar
Now that it has passed, its been even lovelier
Impending exit frees these waves
Struggling forces can vouch for alternate saves

I've succumbed completely, nobody before
What was weakness once, is now my winning war
The windows are bigger, your soul more pure
Let it be known that this epoch is sure
Occupy me in the mode that was set
This era around its better than what I've let.

Unwarranted Recollection

I woke up this morning feeling utterly disgusted,
It was what had dragged earlier, but I had adjusted.

Reminding me of endless investigations
Within my soul until came the proclamation.
Even surrounding light can leave a dark spot open
But before any more doubts it must leave, I'm hoping.

Understanding propositions simplify alternatives
Stealing and snatching, perhaps its time for giving.
Alas, there comes a show in time.
When all the balance is uniquely in line.

Let your material qualities surround and extend
Eventually it will diverge, merge, bend
It will be clear then who actually lost reality
You won't find my warm smell, just cruelty.

This shall be the last one, call it lost one
After this, it won't be legible...it shall be done.

State of Mind

I'm playin the game
the board is black and white
the pawns are so ready to strike
Will this queen be so tame.

Comfort. Trust. Love. Cheer.
Two states of being.
It's just for my viewing.
Yes, yes, so I don't have fear.

One can fill my notebook.
The other fills my voids.
It's these jolly rides.
Leaving the unlucky mistook.

My thoughts. My boundaries.
No facts. No fiction. No stories.
My choice for my own suffice.
It's happened before, twice.

(If it happens once, it will probably never happen again. If it happens for a second time, next time is still unlikely. If it makes it by happening for the third time, it will always happen. It is fate. - Thank you AG)

Growin' Love

I'm present here, but my mind is elsewhere. I am distracted and enthusiastic. Time seems more distant than space. It's interesting how sometimes circumstances make you escape from reality. Circumstances in chemistry, interactions, and comfort. Everything can eventually be traced back to where you came from. As I'm growing I'm feeling closer to my culture and beliefs - the fundamentals of me.

The term "expectations" does not exist in certain vocabularies. It's more like a deep rooted faith and belief in its entirety. It's the "you got my back, I got yours" attitude. Untouched, untainted, and pure. Collaboration of attitudes and ideas. Not necessarily incomplete halves, but more like two rivers feeding the same ocean, two roads leading to the same destination. Independent yet intertwined.

Relentless devotion, unconditional understanding, exciting experiences. There are no ups and downs, every moment is as good as the last, sometimes even better - but nothing better will be much better. Sighs of gratitude.

It stands for itself and by itself. It is as complete as it can be. We become better for each other while benefitting self. It's all in harmony, unity, and peace.

There can't be anything much above.

It's true love.

I Am Me

I leap too fast. I am vulnerable. I am paranoid about really good things. I believe that evil things exist in this world. I don't enjoy the outdoors as much I would like to. I let laziness take over important things sometimes. I procrastinate, a lot. I form my opinions about people too soon sometimes. I am quick in making really big decisions. Fortunately, these have turned out pretty good so far, but no guarantees.

I am kind. I see beauty in everything. I am compassionate. I am a great friend. I hate liars. I am creative. I have pretty good luck in tricky matters.

Tricky matters as in situations that are really extreme. Winning lotteries, avoiding speeding tickets, getting my car towed - these are not tricky. Tricky enough to determine the fate for the rest of my life - those are the matters I refer to. I do believe in "jinxing", so I will not iterate my luck out in words.

I have really great friends. They help me escape to amazing places. Places that fill your heart with warmth and gratitude. They always hug me when I see them after a really long time and tell me that I'm amazing, even when I'm down. They tell me I'm beautiful even when I cry, and that I deserve better even when I believe I have the best of everything. They are the "loves of my life" at this moment. Thank you.

I was talking to one of the loves of my life about "true love". We were talking about what loving encompasses. He explained that true love is when you want the other to be happy, regardless of whether they are with you. When love extends beyond desire, its true love. Yes, it's such a DUH moment. But I don't remember ever feeling like that for anyone. Loving wholesomely without ever requiring love to come your way is selfless. I told him I want that. He told me that I would be a hopeless romantic if I experienced true love. Romance doesn't have much to do with true love, though. Cheers to that.

Letters to a Young Poet

So I've been doing lots of reading and watching. People watching, mostly. Noticing odd behaviors (it used to be my favorite past time) and then finding beauty in them. Because as cliche as this might sound, there really is beauty in everything. I was telling my mom about the recent happenings in my life as of late, and all she said was "Good is going to come out of this, you know that right? It's just not as obvious right now."

It just clicked. That is exactly what I needed to hear at that moment. After all, only after a terrible winter do we truly appreciate a good spring day. Only after you lose your way, you appreciate the familiarity of your own home. It's beautiful.

So I'm reading three books right now. Pretty interesting I must say. A book on quantum physics, one on hinduism, and finally my favorite so far, Letters to a Young Poet. I've read this before, this is only my third or fourth time. It's a short book about "letters to a young poet" (duh) from a fellow poet who has been writing for a few years.

The title focuses on the word "poet", but more than anything this book is for anybody who has a passion for something creative. It's so applicable to processing your thoughts to creativity, what encompasses good art, and how to grow as a writer/poet/artist, whatever your "thing" is. He refers to influences as "Things". Things of inspiration - whatever tickles your brain.
He suggests using everything in your environment as a sign of beauty and then finding the beauty in it as part of your venture as an artist. How simple and insightful.

He also emphasizes the importance of not letting the small trivial things overpower your thoughts. Think about them, but don't make them the focus of your writings. He stresses writing about everyday life and general themes that appeal to everyone. He also talks about not obsessing over criticisms from outsiders. A lot of times, bad criticism will make the best writers shun away from their true gift. It's the best "how to" book for a creative person.

The part so far that appeals to me the most is the idea of "necessary" writing. He says that writing that is not desperate for self is not even worth creating. When you pursue your passion because you can't breathe without doing so, creates the best work of art. Forced creativity might be good, but it will never be magical.

This book just speaks to me. Anyone reading this who has even a little interest in writing, take my suggestion and pick up this book. It's only 7 bucks and its going to give you unlimited insight for the rest of your life. I write because not doing so suffocates my soul. It's my way of speaking to myself from the outside in, but using my own perception and train of thought.

Awesomeness. (yes, that is a word)
Peace&Love

On Relationships...

This note is rather personal and I was going to leave it in my diary but I thought I'd share. Even if one person finds this helpful, the vulnerability is worth it.

Lots has been happening lately. Big decisions, big consequences. But I am empowered and am enjoying this feeling of victory I have with myself. The ability to walk out of a situation that is not positive for me and my thoughts takes strength and in this case deserves a huge pat on the back. It's been interesting to realize that the most selfish people are generally only selfish to others, but it seems that selfless people are usually selfish to themselves. It's complicated, I know. It's true though. Selfishness of self, to me, means that regardless of how bad or negative something is for you, you try to hold on to it for that temporary momentary happiness, knowing fully well that this feeling is not good or encompassing. I don't really know which one is worse. Selfishness towards others, or self. I'd rather be selfless to others because being good to just yourself is in no way better than being good to everyone else. I guess time will reveal the best answer. (the answer isn't as obvious as you might think)

Going through the things that I've been through lately is tiring. My relationships with people has transformed, not necessarily just changed. Changes can be reversed, but transformations are more permanent. Transformations come with understanding and accepting. Understanding is the easy thing, accepting sometimes takes a long while, my friends. Regardless of whatever it is that you're struggling with, there really is a point when you say "enough". Enough perceptions, perspectives, explanations, excuses, empty promises. Enough wishing, hoping, praying. Enough of destiny, fate, chances. Just enough. Good things come in ugly packages, I have realized that. But ugliness that eventually unfolds to beauty and triumph. Ugliness that turns into hideousness is negativity. I guess knowing that fine line between out of control and completely under control is extremely difficult.

As important it is to be hopeful and struggle, equally important is being fair to yourself. Equal, neither one is more or less, but one shouldn't come with the compromise of the other. No it won't. Good interactions give something in return to what they take away from. Interactions and relationships that bring you down are never worth it. It's a universal truth that I have learned through personal experiences. Take my word for it.

Amen.

Love is a Bitch

Love is a bitch.

Seriously, it is. Through accounts and experiences of the people that matter so much to me, I'm realizing that love really is a bitch. It's difficult, takes patience, utmost care, attention, and faith. Blind faith. The kind of faith that when let down will spit in your face. You know, the "told you so's". Can't never have enough of those. That was sarcastic, if you didn't catch my drift.

Love conceives paranoia, fear, insecurities, doubts. That's why it becomes difficult to choose love over any of the feelings that are better than what is encompassing your being in that moment. At the same time, though, love will hold you up, satisfy you, complete you, fulfill your inner being. Love is paradoxical. How far will your strength take you? If you're not strong enough to fight, does that mean your love isn't pure? Ah, too many questions.

What about the answers? I want an answer. I'm sick of waiting. I'm sick of people losing faith, seeing hearts being broken, seeing lives torn, souls hurt. Argh. We strive for something we know we might never get. I've heard the saying "God is love". What does that mean? I don't quiet get it. Does that mean that if I don't believe in God, I don't believe in love. No. Because love is universal yet so personal.

Love wholesomely. I don't even know what that means.

Fuck it.

Peace out.

Vera

She lays in bed every night,
Hoping he'll come save her plight.
It's four years gone by...
He hasn't been back since that last flight..
He won't ever return,
But neither will her seemingly unending burden..
More importantly, her love has eloped
Escaped what he once had enveloped.
Her existence resided in his happiness,
Well, like everything else she had to progress..

Vera will find her freedom
Her life's more than just boredom..
This, friends is official
Proclaiming what is not so probable
Just as a lot in life is a practical joke
It was "love" because of which all of it was provoked
It's good to love yourself for your own being
I would rather feel not being so self-involving
Yes I thank the Lord for the ability for emotion
But please make me free, so its not just one-sided bull shit bearing, gosh darn fucking relentless devotion....

My Love

My love will transcend all odds, it will reach every part of you as an oceanic spread
My love will grow a little every moment, making it the strongest thread
My love will wrap itself in an endless aura of mysterious motions
My love will float above all superficialities and provoke all your devotion
My love will never fade, even when our worlds are dark and bleak
My love will only get stronger, as others around us continue to get weak
My love will win all challenges against the greatest distractions
My love is too true to fall to these shallow meaningless reactions
Don't challenge my love, my love
You will lose and be forced to put your fears aside and me and my love above.

Ode to 2007

Changing seasons have been significant of transitions so far.

This year has been a roller coaster, to say the least. I have realized that you don't have to see something in the face to know what it feels like.

I haven't seen the face of sorrow, but I have been so full of sadness that the core of my soul has cried. I haven't seen the face of disappointment, but I have been utterly let down, to the point where it was impossible to get back up. I haven't seen the face of happiness, but I have been so immensely joyful that nothing could touch me. I haven't seen the face of laughter, but I have laughed so hard that my stomach hurt, taking away all my miseries (Thank you Shami). I haven't seen the face of anger, but I have been so angry that I could have snapped at anything. I haven't seen the face of fear, but I have been so afraid that I wanted to disappear from the face of the planet. I haven't seen the face of vulnerability, but I have been so open and low that nothing was too small to step over me. I haven't seen the face of beauty, but I have been so beautiful that I amazed myself. I haven't seen the face of intelligence, but I have experienced some intangible genius moments. I haven't seen the face of ugliness, but I have seen the most hideous demons. I haven't seen the face of surprise, but I have experienced this element overtime yet momentarily.

Beautiful things have happened this year. Losing love. Finding Love. Heartbreak. Realizations about my true friendships. Going to jail. Crying randomly thinking about the most beautiful things, including my mother's ever-growing beauty inside and out, my father's unending increasing understanding and hand in everything I do and wish to accomplish. Finding my first full time job. Moving into an apartment by myself. Celebrating the greatest events of the most important people to me. My sister's transition into womanhood. My true feelings for some very interesting people. Finally getting my tattoo. My endless poetic escapes with myself, thank you to the big man upstairs for this creative gift.

I thank God for all the great things that have happened to me in the last twenty three years. I would also like to thank Him for all the bad things that happened to me, so I could really enjoy the good things and cherish them. I have grown more this year than I have in the last three, combined.

I will borrow this quote from Dan Y.: Knowledge is bliss, ignorance is piss.

Looking forward, always....

Who is alive?

Are you alive enough to break stereotypes, love open heartedly, dance crazily, laugh hysterically, fall without looking who's watching, write like you have eternity, draw anything - even a stickfigure, embrace a stranger?

Are you alive enough to speak when there's injustice, go against the wind, resist pressure, be different - even weird, go bald, wear purple with blue, say no to something you really dont want to do?

Are you alive?

Speak truthfully, soulfully, lovingly...

Strength, passion, selflessness.

Song for Freedom

rhythmic interactions
blossoming mixtures
uneven forces
fill even the biggest blackholes

entangled connections
invaluable bliss
unending prayers
complete all halves

i will stand on the mountain top
by myself while breathing the freshness
from the open atmosphere
become O N E with all who share my visions

raise the pedestal
smile in glee
know why the caged bird sings
sings until she is completely free

Blue Coat

Your half relinquished my wholesomeness
Unabbreviated my fuzzy shadow
The flesh from your reaching arms
Gathered my soul and embraced my heart
I summoned you to build me a house
Consisting of the canvases you composed
Gathering slowly, all became immense
Intensely fulfilling those corners in the holes

Storms have surpassed and caused hurdles
Evoking strength from your, mine, our souls
I wait as though my train will proceed
In for a split second sometime in eternity
I shall soulfully await
Arrival of the Ralph wind coat...

It is bound to come

This is Senseless...

Looking through all these layers,
I see that glee that encompassed even tears
The carpet from the room, paint from the walls
The ceramic head that sat on the coffee table was dusty last fall...

Oooh, remember the chalk, the metal, the sole of our shoes
That one room in the corner where our hearts were warm
The snow on the hill, the rum afterwards to clear the blues
That one evening on Linden when we sang our songs.

Then there was that day when I laid around,
No, never mind. That was more than just a day
I could sense the amazon coming, I was proud
Pretending to do what I thought would work, play...

Beautiful smiles
Endless tears
Goosebumps crawling
Rushing emotions.

Time out, the bench is getting awfully empty
I feel its crucial to alleviate my thoughts
Let those neurons stop, just freeze
So beautiful it is to be content with simple jots

This is what I will do.
Wake up, open my eyes and smile.
Don't need reason, fine, because the sky is blue.
Oh, also because I like my bathroom tiles.

In My Head...

some randomness

i was thinking how amazing it is to be a kid...you know when you're younger you don't realize that because you dont know what you know now..but now that my brain hurts from complicated scenarios presented to me by people, situations, school, coconut heads (lol), etc i just imagine what it owuld be like to be just content iwth a block of legos....

all you have to do is play with some blocks and life is great..not only do you feel good about it, but you are actually happy...happiness is such a blissful thought...everyone is tryin to be happy, but they are really chasing after something else..i dont think its wrong because its natural...everyone wants someTHING, and that originally stems from what feels good but eventually the feeling of pursuing that THING takes over and the happiness is forgotten about...

i keep coming back to this but you know there are some people that for no reason you just feel a little bad for them...for NO reason..you dont have anything to base that on, but somethign about their demeanor or how they do things makes you think of them as people who are sorry, sad, not forgiven by someone they love, or something along those lines....and i've felt that i've seen a lot of those people lately..or maybe im just being super empathetic but its still a feeling that bothers me, because my world is complicated enough with its little tweeks, i dont want to lay all that burden on my chest for others..but they dont ask me to, and most of the time these "people" who I refer to in my head as "strange angels" are completely oblivious to my feeling that way...get away get away get away..HA

i've also been getting compliments from complete strangers...not necessarily about my looks (which is very flattering, of course), just in general about an aura...i went to this little mexican place in town last weekend and this old lady just comes up to me and she goes you're a poet aren't you..im like yeah i like to write occassionally..and she said she thought so 'coz i was staring at something "not out of the ordinary" looking amazed...and then she bought me this mexican pop thing..whatever but that isnt' the point (even though that pop wasn't good) LAAAAAAAAAA

so yeah..just had to write down some thoughts so excuse the puntuation and grammar situation..i love reactions and i've been getting private messages from people about my notes but just post 'em on here as comments so others can get something out of it too......

what's rockin' your world lately? *grinsssssssssss*

When..

When I'm with you, I don't see the gray
The picture gets crisp, I see through the haze

When I'm with you, it's always spring
The colors of autumn, birds chirping

When I'm with you, the sky is so clear
The sand gets whiter, the water gets bluer

When I'm with you, the grass is always green
Yes on both sides, and everything in between

When I'm with you, it's never too cold
Your breath gives me warmth, as your arms I hold

When I miss you, I secretly pray
The yearning I have for you never fades

When I see you, I will know once more
What it feels to be the happiest thus far...

Changes

I think I am defiinitely the kind of person who does not like changes. Changes to me signify inconvenience, getting used to something you might not want to, and more importantly disrupting your present state.
To my disappointment though, changes are so necessary in every aspect of life. Without changes, there is no way to move on, progress towards anything upward. If we just stay we are, we would be in a solid state of stability, which could be good, but also boring. The only way to avoid that feeling to is "change" something. Somehow disturb the dynamics of your present status, so you can move, sometimes forward, sometimes backwards, towards shift.
I have struggled with some changes, but I know I am going to have to struggle with some more in the next few months. It might be getting a new job, moving to a new place, making new friends, whatever. Either way, it is going to be a shift in a plane that I have been so comfortable with for so long.
I guess you can call me "stuck up" in a way. I am "stuck" in my present state, I like how things are, granted they were instigated from some change initially. But I embraced certain shifts, and got accustomed to them through a personal struggle or fight that I put up and won with myself or my environment. I guess its the being able to hold on something feeling that I like, that is lost when you change anything.
I guess the outcomes to certain events are undetermined and mysterious until they are uncovered. I hope I can have the strenght to withstand the "newness" that might present itself in many ways in my life, and I can hold on and come out strong....

Flight

Flight of the soul, freedom with wings
Slow gasping, final calling
Walk on the road without lights
Believe in the truth that may not exist

Unaltering faith, untainted, self-proclaiming
The tips of my fingers stir the shadow
Directing where nothing may subside
Sweet nothings rule my everything...

Alas! What has become will never fade
Belief however will unleash the demon
Resided in my thoughts are memories
Some however are self-made, exaggerated

Keep them corporal for myself
I'm the solo zealot
Surpass the storm
If I'm strong, strong, strong

Rocks

Trials that have surpassed have taught me things...
Some things I still pursue and ponder about.
There are living rocks in my way
Breathing, alive, and wishing my worst.
Do I have what it takes to fight?
Does the result justify the enormous battle?
It's going to suffocate my resources...
Help me preserve them I ask you softly.
But you choose to strip away my layers
Stand by and smile as I struggle and fade
I can't stand for someone so self-preserved
I wish you luck but I don't know if I can stand reserved.

Wonderland

Send me to wonderland in deep emotion
Find me the undoubted hemisphere in fusion.
Release the ghost, clear the view
Fading colors contaminate even morning dew.
Capture the demons that make it unsettling
Resonate on consciences, sentiments - unending.
Feed into the aura the exigency of desire
Only that can make us go further, make us go higher.
Processional Etiquette
Demanding Investigations
Assumptions that are unfruitful
Assumptions that are harmful.
You can see what I demand
Unreasonable, indeed, this stance.

Forgive this imposition
Repossess the inceptive vision.

Free

There have been places where I reside,
Under the fears of what's coming aside,
I watch myself creep in and wonder,
What it is that makes me thunder.

The passion is not really in question,
From all the wonderings it has been festing.
Roots residing in earth shall grow,
Feeding the passion I need for tomorrow.

I get a light from afar I see,
It's coming closer, setting me free.
The fire is just enough to give me warmth,
Yet it sets inside me that it needs to belong.

Things are better, life seems quicker,
I need this so strongly to help me flutter.
Flutter to what seemed so distant,
Suddenly seems closer, thank you wings.

My Mind

My mind is like confused old men,
Contradicts itself, answers its own questions.
I move one way, the other way seems right,
But to my plight, they're the same.

My mind is like the nagging wife,
Keeps repeating to do the things I know I won't do.
I feel I accomplish something by repitition,
But it just loses fabrication.

My mind is like a game of chess
I play by myself endlessly.
Checkmate myself but feel the need
To pity my other side, retract, then proceed.

My mind is like opposite emotions
Sometimes it seems only two choices exist.
But multiple layers coexist at once,
Making me dig deeper, believe me, there are tons.

Hope, Wish, Want

Hope to pick a name today
Hope to have a day to lay
Hope there will to me occur
Hope there is no other.


Wish for a reason to say
Wish for the time I pray
Wish for it to happen by itself
Wish to keep it to myself.

Want to keep this forever
Want to never say never
Want to predict the moves
Want to merge these two.

Will I see the way?
Will I get to stay?
Will I like what I choose?
Will I happily refuse?

Trail

Is anonymity better than familiarity?
What keeps this close to that is ultimately...
The depth of knowing what exists,
Even if the focus sometimes shifts.

I scribe for who might not expect,
Later I suspect I might regret,
It's not worth the burden on my chest,
Especially if sentiments unrest.

I want the wings to fly away,
Both the birds together astray.
Color me in your skin,
Carry me through the playful wind.

I struggle with something transparent,
I see it all but its apparent.
Let me get out of this trail,
We will end up in Rosedale.

Tasks

Proclaim
Fame
Claim
Shame
Embarass
Yourself
Regress to
Impress
Aside from the manor that reveals your true self,
Nothing else matters
Aside from the faith that leaps you forward,
Nothing else matters
Aside from he who makes you smile when you cry,
Nothing else matters
Aside from the passion that revives your soul,
Nothing else matters
Live. Love. Laugh.

I'm looking over at the couch and I see my laundry: unfolded, unorganized. For some reason, I think this is reflective of my thoughts, in disarray. Confusion, Assurance, Questions, Solutions. These seem to be themes governing different things in my life. I want to balance, not so much work and play; but more of thoughts.
I prayed this morning. Not to a God, but to something divine with no name: not somebody "up there" but more just around and inside myself. What else am I here for? What am I supposed to fulfill or have I already?
Questioning gives strength and faith for your actions. If you can answer these questions and be satisfied with the answers. Forget thoughts others have. those who know you will understand. They dont have to understand, they just somehow do. I want to fold the laundry, shelf my cltohes, and organize my closet.

Confusion

Make sure you hold on to your thoughts.
Sometimes they play you intensely.
You seem to have everything in reign, until the flame starts to burn again.

Once the wave has passed the paddle,
Relinquish that reflex, surpass that speculation.
It's for the best account knowing what you know.

Hault the querries.
Pursue what was true.
Live with that emotion that got you close.

Cling to the beast.
He will be your savior.
You have been his charm since that day in autumn,

He has treasured your presence, lock and protect the fencing.